Here is an outline of all the steps we share in the video. Enjoy!
- Being Fully Present and actually hearing what the other person is saying (I Hear you)
- Eye contact
- Not just waiting for your turn to speak
- Do not stab them with your words. (Name Calling Hurts – Words are powerful)
- There are boundaries you do not cross. Period. You cannot take back what was said in a temporary lapse of judgement, you may regret it.
- Cool down (I Love you, but I don’t like you right now!)
- If you are too heated up by the disagreement to follow the other steps to fight with love then call a timeout! Find a way to Respectfully and Lovingly ask for a short moment to gather your thoughts and cool down.
- I love you but I don’t like this (action/disagreement) right now, Please Respect me, and let me take a few minutes to cool down and then I promise we will talk about this as soon as ___. (Usually no longer than 2 hrs Max)
- Try really hard to understand where the other person is coming from.
- Put Yourself in their shoes.
- Would you have gotten upset if the same things happened to you
- Understand that you don’t have to understand why they are upset.
- Just because you don’t think it’s a good reason to be upset doesn’t mean it is not real for them.
- You might not understand the science behind how the suns particles hit your partners skin but you can see them in pain and know that it’s real to them.
- Remember! The Many Many reasons that You Love this person!
- You fell in love, you know that they have so many great qualities about them that you just love so much, its easy to forget the good and just focus on the bad.
- You won’t remember walking on soft carpet but you will remember stepping on that LEGO brick!
- Give them a little slack to be imperfect you are not perfect either.
- We are all imperfect human beings, we eat sleep and use the restroom. Not everything is pretty.
- Think of some things that maybe you could improve on also.
- May he who is without sin cast the first stone!
COMPROMISE – Why would you compromise instead of trying to get your way?
- Compromise doesn’t mean you both lose a little, it means you both get to win a little and that is a big win for the relationship! So you win double!
- Compromise is caring about your partners needs and wants not just your own.
- Learning to think about US, WE, OURS, instead of Me, I, Mine…
- Sorry, is a Free gift that you can give to someone to make them feel better
- Structure of a great apology
- Make it very clear that you understand what you did, why it was wrong, and why that would make your partner upset.
- Express that you are sincerely sorry for what was done and that it pains you to see them upset.
- Express that you will try your best to work on it/ make sure it doesn’t happen again. (optional also that you will make it up to them)
- Tell them you love them!
MAKING UP/ RECOVERING
- Relationships are like bank accounts. Studies have shown that happy couples have on average 5 positive interactions for each 1 negative interaction. Each positive interaction is like a small deposit into your checking account. Each negative interaction is a big withdrawal from you account. Too many withdrawals without enough money being deposited into your acct will lead you to have a negative balance and result in a relationship where both parties feel unhappy.
- What this means is that you just made a big withdrawal. Maybe it would be a good idea to make some deposits, go do something Fun! Laugh! Something that both of you will enjoy and be a positive interaction that will have you that much happier!
Thank you so much for reading/watching! <3
Wishing you love, success and a lifetime of bliss!